


Psyched Up

by Joycee



Series: Psych [6]
Category: White Collar
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Psychological Drama, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-12 05:13:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4466732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joycee/pseuds/Joycee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neal meets a young doctor and falls in love,  causing complications for both of them.</p><p> </p><p><em>Spoiler Alert:</em> Includes a summary of traumatic events that happened to Neal in Seasons 1-5.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Psyched Up

**Author's Note:**

> (Updated the end of this story). If you want a happy ending, it depends on where you stop the story -- Orson Welles, as quoted by Mozzie in Countdown, S3-E10

Dr. Grace Lilly served as a clinical supervisor to senior resident physicians as one of her duties as a psychiatrist on the faculty at NYU. Currently she had been assigned to supervise a handsome, charming, and very wealthy doctor named Matthew McKay.

Dr. Lilly found her weekly sessions with the young resident doctor both stimulating and challenging, as he was extraordinarily bright and had the empathic and intuitive abilities that make a good psychotherapist. Her only concern was that he was somewhat overconfident, causing him to sometimes push the limits of what she felt was professionally appropriate behavior.

After a stressful session with him, she sat in her office pondering what was really troubling her - and that was the unmistakable similarities between her impressive resident, Matt McKay, and her brilliant, sensitive, artistically talented patient, Neal Caffrey. 

Their lives could not have unfolded more differently since Matt had been brought up as the pampered and privileged son of a billionaire magnate of industry and Neal had run away from a troubled home in the WitSec program and become a criminal con man at a young age.

Yet Dr. Lilly faced the same issues in dealing with each of the younger men: emotional vulnerability, brash impetuousness, audacious coping styles, undeniable knack for manipulating others to get what they wanted, and a tendency to bend rules and blur borders. In addition, they were both highly sexual unmarried men who’d had relationships with both men and women.

Dr. Lilly shook her head and wondered what the chances were that two such charming and dangerous people should have come into her professional life at the same time. Fortunately, they did not know each other and had no relationship with each other. Until they did.

In retrospect it seemed inevitable, as if the two alluring creatures were destined to meet. The first time was a brief encounter in the aptly named Coffee Cafe on the same block as Dr. Lilly's office. The tall, rugged, blond, green-eyed Matt McKay was a regular customer. Neal Caffrey just happened to stop by one day after an appointment with the doctor.

Their eyes met and there was an immediate electric attraction. Matt moved first. "At the risk of sounding trite, I haven't seen you here before," Matt said with a warm smile.

"You must be a regular," Neal smiled back. "What would you recommend?"

They proceeded to discuss the merits of various coffee blends like old friends. Neal finally decided and ordered, but just as he received his coffee, his phone buzzed in his pocket. It was Peter wanting to know why he wasn't back in the office yet.

Neal looked truly regretful to leave his new friend so soon. "Have to get back to work," he told the stranger. Then impulsively, he stuck out his hand and said, "Neal Caffrey. I enjoyed talking with you."

"Matt McKay," the other man said. "Maybe I'll see you here again sometime."

Neal grinned, "At the risk of sounding trite, do you come here often?"

Matt replied, "Nearly every day."

Both men left with a feeling of excitement that they couldn't explain. It had been a long time since either one had felt infatuated with a stranger.

Their next chance meeting was at a special exhibit at a small private art gallery. Neal was there as part of a White Collar operation so he didn't have his anklet on. When he spotted the good-looking man he had met in the Coffee Cafe, Neal felt the same stunning attraction as he had the first time.

Neal worked his way over to stand next to Matt. “We meet again,” he said.

Matt glamced up in recognition and a look of genuine pleasure crossed his face. “What a nice surprise,” he said.

Matt and Neal were both dressed like GQ models and had the same photogenic good looks. In addition to their love of coffee, they discovered that they had similar taste in art. Their conversation became animated as they explored other areas of common interest. 

When Peter Burke noticed them together, he frowned and made it a point to join them. He noticed that both men looked slightly flushed and kept their eyes fixed on each other. “Neal,” he said pleasantly, “Introduce me to your friend?”

Neal looked up with the briefest flash of annoyance and said, “Hi Peter, this is Matt McKay. We met the other day at the Coffee Cafe. Matt recommended an excellent blend to me.”

Matt reached out his hand to shake with Peter. He obviously assumed that Peter was Neal’s date and tried to hide his disappointment.

Neal picked up on the assumption immediately and said, “This is Peter Burke, my colleague.”

Peter looked amused and said, “Yes, and Neal, it’s time for us to get back to work now. It was nice to meet you, Matt.”

“Your colleague?” Peter smiled as they walked away. 

“Come on, Peter, I’m just trying to make a good impression,” Neal pouted.

“Why? What plans do you have with your new friend?” asked Peter.

“None, unfortunately,” Neal replied. Peter studied him and wondered what this obvious infatuation would lead to.

Before he left the Gallery, Matt tracked down Neal and told him, “I hope we’ll meet again when you are not working.”

Neal met his eyes and said, “I hope so, too.”

Neal couldn’t get his attractive new friend out of his mind. At his next appointment with Dr. Lilly, his psychiatrist, he mentioned that he had met a good-looking man and was thinking about pursuing him.

Dr. Lilly was surprised. This was the first time Neal had expressed any interest in dating anyone except Peter and his wife since she had known him, although he had talked a little about relationships with several women before he knew her.

Dr. Lilly asked him, “How do you think that will affect your relationship with Peter?”

Neal bristled slightly, “Peter is married to someone else. Sometimes I think I’d like to have a long time relationship of my own.”

“With someone you’ve just met?” she asked mildly. “He must have made quite an impression.”

Neal blushed a little and confessed, “Well, he did and it felt like it was mutual. We have a lot in common.”

“So when are you going to see him again?” the doctor asked him.

“Maybe this afternoon when I leave here,” he told her. “I met him in the Coffee Cafe down the street from here.”

Neal found himself really hoping he would find Matt in the Coffee Cafe again. He vowed that this time he would get his phone number.

Matt was elated to see Neal enter the Cafe. Matt had been coming there every day at the same time since he met Neal the first time in hopes that the handsome dark-haired man with the sparking blue eyes would show up again. After their chance encounter at the art gallery, he was even more enchanted.

Matt walked over immediately and greeted him, “Neal, we meet again.”

As soon as Neal got his coffee, the two men made their way to a small table. They sat across from each other with knees almost touching in the small space.

Matt said warmly, “It’s nice to see you again. I hope your work won’t call you away again right away.”

Impulsively, Neal pulled out his phone and turned it off. Matt gave an appreciative chuckle.

Neal smiled and said, “I think I can take a little personal time.”

They drank their coffees in silence for a minute while they tried to figure out what to say next, which was normally not a problem for either of them.

“Did you enjoy the exhibit the other night,” they suddenly both asked at the same time, and laughed.

“Great minds and all that,” said Matt. Neal flushed with pleasure and embarrassment and gave him a wink.

“What kind of work do you do that took you to the exhibit?” Matt asked innocently.

“Um, we were checking the security system,” Neal said, suddenly conscious of his anklet. “I’m a consultant for the FBI.”

“That sounds glamorous,” Matt commented. “It’s not dangerous, I hope?”

Neal smiled and said, “I wouldn’t say that, but it kind of depends on what you think danger is.”

“I’m interested in what you think danger is, Neal,” Matt said, his psychiatrist training automatically kicking in.

Neal replied lightly, “I think that’s a discussion for another time. What about you? What do you do?”

“I’m in my last year of residency in psychiatry at NYU,” Matt told him.

“A psychiatrist,” Neal smiled nervously. “Now that seems dangerous.”

“Not really. I don’t psychoanalyze my friends,” Matt said reassuringly. “Anyway, I’m sure we can find more interesting things to talk about than our work.”

“Like coffee and art and travel in Europe….” Neal said, reminding him of the subjects they had already touched on.

“And maybe music, philosophy, and what we find attractive in another person,” Matt said softly. “I find you very attractive, Neal.”

Neal glowed with the compliment. “I feel the same way,” he admitted.

“Then why don’t we make a date for dinner?” asked Matt.

“I’d like that,” Neal said enthusiastically. “In fact, I’ll cook dinner for you if you want to come to my place.”

“What a treat!” Matt agreed. “When can we do this?”

Neal thought again about his anklet. He didn’t want to scare this exciting companion away. “I’ll let you know,” he promised. “Meet here again next week?”

“Sure, that would be fine, but Neal, could I have your phone number?” Matt asked. “I assume you usually don’t turn it off.”

“Yes, if I can have yours,” Neal agreed. “And I guess I’d better turn it back on now. Time for me to get back to work.”

“I have patients to see this afternoon, so I’m going to have to go, too. It was great to see you again and I’ll look forward to that dinner, ok?” Matt said, as they stood up to leave.

As they left in opposite directions, they caught each other turning and looking back half way down the block.

The first time Neal mentioned his interesting new friend, Mozzie pounced. “Hmmm, this is no casual thing, is it? You’re really interested in the young doctor.”

Neal said, “Of course it’s too soon to tell, but yeah, I like him.”

Mozzie got right to the point. “What does he think about your anklet status?”

Neal blushed and looked away, as he confessed, “He doesn’t know yet.”

“Well, he’s going to have to know, my friend,” Mozzie said kindly. “If he’s worth anything, it won’t make any difference.”

“Think so?” Neal asked skeptically. “I don’t know how to break the news to him.”

Mozz said honestly, “Just tell him. It’s part of who you are.”

“But it won’t always be part of who I am,” Neal said wistfully.

“My point,” said Mozz loyally, “If he’s smart, he should be able to grasp that.”

Neal decided to take Mozzie’s advice. He didn’t want to do it over the phone, though, so he nervously waited to meet Matt after his next appointment with Dr. Lilly. He decided to ask for her opinion, too.

“I’d like to invite my new friend over for dinner, but I don’t know what to tell him about my tracking anklet,” Neal told Dr. Lilly.

She asked him, “Have you had any conversations with him about what you do for a living?”

Neal hedged, “Well, believe it or not, he’s a doctor. I just told him I did some security consulting work for the FBI.”

“That isn’t exactly true, is it?” she asked gently.

“Not exactly,” he admitted, “But it is what Peter and I were working on the night we saw him at the Gallery.”

“Security consulting?” she asked mildly. 

“Well, technically I’m a Criminal Informant, but that doesn’t seem very impressive. I don’t want to scare him off,” he sighed, “Peter always introduces me as a Consultant and I have an official ID that says that, too.

“You seem quite taken with this man,” Dr. Lilly commented. “I take it you’ve seen him again since our last meeting?”

“Yes, I told you, he hangs out at the Coffee Cafe just down the street from here.”

“A doctor who has time to hang out?” she laughed. “Are you sure he is being honest with you, Neal?”

Neal was annoyed that she didn’t seem to be taking him seriously. “I don’t know and I don’t care. I just want to get to know him better,” he insisted.

“And what Neal wants, he finds a way to get, doesn’t he?” she commented.

Neal blushed with confusion. “Are you saying I shouldn’t pursue this?” he asked.

“No, I’m saying you should think this through and try not to do anything rash that you’ll regret,” the doctor sighed.

“What could happen to make me regret it?” he asked, seeming genuinely puzzled.

“So many things, Neal,” she sighed again. “Think about it. Are you really in a position to start a new intense relationship in your life right now?”

“Who says it has to be intense?” he countered.

“Your feelings already seem to be pretty intense and you haven’t even gone out,” she pointed out.

“Well, I’m kind of an intense guy. You know that,” he laughed.

Dr. Lilly chuckled, “Yes, you are. Well, my advice is to be honest with him. Really honest, not sort of honest. If he can’t handle your situation, then it’s not meant to be. You may have to accept that.”

Neal frowned, “Okay, I see that. I don’t like it, but I’ll take your advice.”

Neal was excited to see that Matt was waiting in the Coffee Cafe again. He took a deep breath and decided he was indeed going to have to tell the truth, but he thought he saw a way to at least make it a little more private conversation.

“Matt, I’d like to talk to you. It’s so crowded here. Do you think we could take a walk?” Neal asked.

Matt looked at him curiously. “That sounds kind of serious, Neal, but sure, we can take a walk.”

Neal led him to a little park nearby and they sat down on a bench, a little closer together than two strangers. Neal looked up sidewise at Matt and took his hand. Matt looked back at him seriously and folded his fingers around Neal’s.

For a minute, Neal just wanted to say, “Let’s find a private space and fuck,” but of course, that wasn’t what he needed to say. He took a slow breath and said, “I’m a little embarrassed to tell you this, but I wasn’t exactly honest with you about my work.”

Matt looked puzzled. “Is that important?” he asked.

“Kind of,” Neal admitted, “I work for the FBI as a Criminal Consultant, a CI.” He stretched out his leg and showed the tracking anklet. “I went to prison for bond forgery and I convinced Agent Peter Burke to get me out to work for him. I have a lot of expertise that's helpful in solving his cases. I’ve been doing it for a few years now and we’ve really become friends. But I have to get permission to go outside of the two mile radius programmed into this anklet.”

Matt reached down and touched the anklet and then let his hand drift to touch Neal’s leg just above it. “Does it bother you?” he asked.

Neal held his breath. “I’m used to it. Does it bother you?”

Matt looked at him steadily. “Weren’t you going to ask me over for dinner?” he asked.

Neal let his breath out and smiled gratefully. “Yes,” he said, “Yes, I was. I am.”

Matt squeezed his hand and said, “I’m free Saturday night.”

“Then let me give you my address,” Neal offered. “How about 8:00?”

“Should I bring red or white?” Matt asked.

Neal felt light as a feather. This handsome young doctor that he felt so attracted to wanted him, too, and he didn’t care if Neal was a criminal. He couldn’t wait for the weekend and he started planning their dinner right away.

Matt walked back to the psychiatry building. He had an appointment with Dr. Lilly, his Clinical Supervisor. Their last meeting was a little tense, so he resolved to try to keep this one positive.

After they calmly discussed his cases and their progress, Dr. Lilly smiled and said, “You seem to be in an especially good mood this week, Matt.”

“I guess I am,” he said. “I think there’s a chance my personal life is about to improve. I have a hot date for dinner on Saturday night!”

After he had gone, Dr. Lilly thought how interesting it was that both Matt and Neal had met someone they were interested in. A nagging voice in her mind suddenly remembered Neal saying, “He’s a doctor.” She shook her head and laughed. Matt hadn’t even said if his date was a man or a woman.

Saturday couldn’t come soon enough for Neal. He cleaned his already immaculate apartment, bought more groceries than he needed and worried over what to cook and what to wear. Neal was relieved to know that the Burkes were going to visit Elizabeth’s sister for the weekend and he gave strict instructions to Mozzie to stay away.

When Matt arrived, Neal looked like a magazine picture in his casual slacks and designer shirt and bare feet. Matt looked like a character from The Great Gatsby in light flannel slacks, a loose knit pale yellow sweater and expensive loafers. The delicate smell of cilantro and rosemary wafted from the kitchen and Neal had lit candles everywhere but the kitchen. 

Matt was shocked to see that Neal lived in such a lovely mansion with his charming rooms and terrace view. Neal handed Matt a Campari cocktail and then opened the red wine that Matt brought to let it breathe. As he lead out to the terrace, Neal smiled and explained, “I’m fortunate to have a very accommodating landlady who took me in when I got out of prison.”

“You certainly did well for yourself,” laughed Matt, “I live in a little garret near the hospital.”

Neal skillfully drew out his guest in conversation while he finished cooking and served their dinner. “Oh wow!” said Matt. “I had no idea I’d be getting such a gourmet dinner tonight. You can really cook!”

Neal was pleased, but he brushed aside the compliment. “Well, I picked up a few things over the years. I chose Italian for tonight for a romantic effect.” Then he blushed.

Matt was amused and thoroughly impressed. The beautiful blue eyes were irresistible. He knew he had to touch Neal’s perfect body soon.

As Neal put their dinner dishes in the sink, they were finishing the bottle of wine that Matt brought so Neal opened a dessert wine. He was feeling a little light headed, but he didn’t think it was from the drinks. “I have tiramisu for dessert,” he offered, but Matt suggested they save it for a little later.

As they moved away from the kitchen, Matt stopped and slipped an arm around Neal and pulled him toward him for a light kiss. He said, “That’s for the wonderful dinner.” Then added, “And just for being so damn charming and attractive.”

Neal leaned in and kissed him back harder and smiled with pleasure. “I haven’t felt like this in years,” he said with wonder.

“I know what you mean,” responded Matt, looking like he was going to devour Neal for dessert.

Neal pulled away a little and said, “Come sit down and let’s talk a little while. I want to know all about you.”

Matt relaxed and told Neal about his extremely wealthy and successful father and his socialite mothers. There had been four, but Matt had a nanny who had served as a surrogate. He said, “I had every advantage and I would never have had to work a day in my life, but I’m not the playboy type. I love learning and I’m fascinated by the human mind and emotions and I need to be doing something worthwhile, so – psychiatry.”

Neal told him sincerely, “We come from very different places. My dad was a bad cop and a murderer and I grew up in Witness Protection with my Mom, who should have had a psychiatrist. I left home at fifteen. I’m a quick study and I love art of all kinds, and um, the finer things of life, and I found I had a talent for getting them.”

Matt reached up and touched his cheek. He said softly, “And now?”

Neal sighed, “Right now, all I want is to have sex with you.” Matt did devour him then, kissing him deeply with a low moan of pleasure, pulling him into a tight embrace.

They passionately explored each other’s mouths and petted each other’s upper bodies through their shirts. Matt stopped and separated slightly. His green eyes took in Neal’s chiseled features and he asked quietly, “Neal, do you want this as much as I do?”

“More,” said Neal, “I’ve been fantasizing all week.”

“Me too,” chuckled Matt. Then he tenderly reached out to unbutton and remove Neal’s shirt. “Ohhh,” he groaned at the sight of Neal’s muscled chest. “Come here and let me love you.”

The rest of their clothes came off much faster as they hungrily kissed and groped each other. When their pants were off, they turned so their erections touched each other. Then Matt reached down and rubbed Neal’s leg around his anklet. “Does this get in the way?” he asked uncertainly.

Neal assured him, “No, I’m used to it. It goes everywhere I go and does everything I do. Don’t worry, it’s just a GPS tracker, not a recorder or anything.”

Matt gave him a lopsided grin and said, “I can work with that.”

Neal felt deliriously happy. He kissed the light blond hair on Matt’s golden chest and then moved down over his hard abs. Matt had his hands in Neal’s soft hair as Neal dropped to his knees and began to tease Matt's cock with his mouth. Matt writhed in response to the exquisite sensations. He couldn’t remember the last time anything had felt so good.

Neal pulled back and smiled up at him, looking adorable with his flushed face and mussed hair. Neal stood up, sliding into Matt’s arms and pulling him up. After another long passionate kiss, Neal led Matt over to his bed.

Neither man was a novice at lovemaking and they employed all their considerable skills as they prolonged their pleasure for as long they could. Finally, they found themselves locked in a sensuous kiss while their hard cocks rubbed against each other. Matt reached down and enclosed them both with his strong hand and Neal pushed into it, whispering, “Oh please, please, don’t stop.” 

Their excitement was perfectly timed to reach their crest at the same time and they exploded against each other and then reveled in the silky stickiness between them. Finally spent, Neal nestled his head against Matt’s shoulder and flung a leg across him. Matt drew Neal in closer and said with wonder, “Neal, that was so amazing.”

When they had come down a little bit, Neal guided Matt to the shower. They soaped each other playfully until they both started getting erect again. As their passion grew more insistent, Matt turned Neal towards the wall and rubbed his soapy cock between Neal’s tight round buttocks. Matt kissed Neal’s neck and bit his shoulders and reached around him to grasp Neal’s cock. 

With a practiced hand, he insistently jerked Neal in coordination with his own thrusting from behind. He wanted nothing more than to fuck Neal’s asshole, but he satisfied himself with rubbing against him. They both began to talk dirty and urge each other on until Neal exploded in mind-blowing orgasm and Matt followed quickly with his own. 

Neal reached out and turned off the shower as they sank to the floor together, unable to stand. Neal gave Matt a brilliant smile and Matt asked him, “Would it be a cliché to ask you where you’ve been all my life, lover?” Neal winked and said happily, “I’m here now.”

They finally toweled off and dressed, both looking just as put together as when Matt first arrived except for their wet hair. Neal served the tiramisu and Matt raved about it.

Finally, Matt said reluctantly, “I’ve got to go. It’s late.” Neal was disappointed, but he didn’t want to push him to stay so he said eagerly, “When can we do this again?”

“Soon,” promised Matt, giving him a thorough kiss goodnight before he went out into the night.

When he had gone, Neal shrieked with sheer delight at the successful evening they had. It was even better than he had imagined. Matt was thinking exactly the same thing as he drove back to campus in his Lexus sport coupe. He couldn’t believe he had found such a lovely partner.

Both men went about their routines with renewed energy and the glow of being in love. Neal was irrepressible at work. Peter jealously wondered what had happened over the weekend while he was gone, but he had a pretty good idea. Neal couldn’t help mentioning his wonderful evening with Matt. He made clear how excited he was, oblivious to Peter’s reaction.

Matt found he had renewed energy for his patients and poured his positive feelings into his work. The results were impressive and Dr. Lilly told him so when they met for his supervision. She was pretty sure she had an idea what had made Matt so dynamically effective and, as he was leaving, he confirmed it for her.

“I guess you can see how happy I am,” he enthused. “I’ve met the most remarkable man. I’m afraid I’m completely smitten.”

Dr. Lilly smiled and said, “Yes, your enthusiasm carries over to your work.”

“I haven’t felt this way in so long, maybe ever,” he told her, “And it’s so improbable. We are nothing alike in our experiences but we just seem to be perfectly matched, and not just physically.”

Faint alarms went off in Dr. Lilly’s head. She asked him curiously, “How did you meet?”

He gave a little smile and said, “You’ll never believe it, but we met at the Coffee Cafe down the block.”

It took all of her self-control to maintain a neutral expression as she asked, “What did you mean, you are nothing alike?”

Matt grinned boyishly. “Well, he’s actually a criminal convicted of bond forgery who is out on some sort of work-release program. He has to wear a tracking device on his ankle.”

Dr. Lilly said seriously, “Sit down, Matt. We need to talk.” He looked at her curiously, but he did as she said.

“Neal Caffrey is a patient of mine,” she said quietly.

Matt’s eyes opened wide as he looked at her with complete surprise and stammered, “Wwwhat?”

Dr. Lilly nodded. Matt frowned and said, “Can I ask what for?”

She shook her head. “You know I can’t tell you that. I’m taking a risk even by telling you he is my patient.”

He looked at her helplessly. “Well, what does this mean?” he asked her.

She sighed deeply and suggested, “Maybe you should find another clinical supervisor. I don’t think it would be healthy for me to continue to be in relationships with both of you.”

Matt frowned and protested, “Well, I don’t think it would be professional of you to drop me just because I’m dating someone you know. After all, I didn’t even tell you who he was. You guessed.”

Dr. Lilly said resignedly, “There is only one Neal Caffrey.”

Matt grinned foolishly and affirmed, “That’s for sure!”

“And there is only one Matt McKay,” she sighed. “How did I get so lucky as to have you both come into my life at the same time?”

“Well, if anyone can handle it, you can,” Matt assured her. “Anyway, who knows? Maybe this thing with Neal won’t work out anyway.”

Dr. Lilly nodded and said, “I’ll think about it and let you know my decision next week.” But she was thinking to herself, “Oh, it’s not going to work out, not for you and Neal, not for Neal and me, and not for you and me.” But all she could do now was try to control the damage.

When Neal bounced in to see her, he was just as enthused and starry-eyed as Matt had been. He told her about his magical evening with Matt and how understanding he had been about Neal’s anklet. 

When he had finally run down a little bit, Dr. Lilly took a deep breath and said, “Neal, there is something I have to tell you. I am the clinical supervisor for Dr. Matt McKay.”

Neal looked confused and asked, “How did you know? Why does it matter?”

Dr. Lilly smiled and said, “It turns out Matt is as eager to talk about you as you are to talk about him. He told me he met a CI with a tracking anklet at the Coffee Cafe down the street and you told me you had a met a doctor at that same place.”

“Well, is there some problem with that?” Neal asked, still not understanding.

“Well, I have close but different relationships with you two. My roles may come into conflict. I can refrain from commenting about either of you to the other one, but that’s not really fair to you, Neal, since I often offer you some insight into your relationships. On the other hand, if I do talk to either or both of you, there may be the sense that I am going behind your back,” she explained, thinking but not saying, “and that’s only the most basic level.”

Neal understood and nodded. He said, “That’s quite a problem. What are you going to do?”

“I believe I need to find another doctor to serve as Matt’s clinical supervisor, but he’s not happy about that,” she told him, “And it may take a little time for me to find someone who can take him on.”

“You know Peter and me and that doesn’t seem to be a big problem,” Neal said logically.

“But I have a different relationship with Matt. It’s professional. He is not my patient. My role is to consult and advise him about his cases,” she explained.

“You saw Peter and me together. Could you see Matt and me together?” Neal asked hopefully.

“No, I’m afraid Matt cannot be my patient as long as I have a professional relationship with him,” she said gently. “I’m going to have to think about this and maybe get some consultation.”

“But you can still be my doctor, right?” Neal asked, a little nervously. She smiled reassuringly, “Yes Neal, I think so.”

“And Matt really is a special person, isn’t he?” he enthused. “I’m so happy since I met him.”

“Neal, what about Peter?” she asked curiously.

Neal wrinkled his brow, “I’m not sure. I haven’t told him anything yet.”

“So he doesn’t know you’re seeing someone else?” the doctor asked.

“Well, yeah, he knows I had a date and he saw Matt at the Gallery, but he doesn’t know how I feel.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that, Neal,” she warned.

“Yeah, I’m going to have to talk to him,” he said unhappily.

“Well, let’s leave it there for today,” Dr. Lilly concluded. “I’ll see you next week.”

After he left her office, Neal headed over toward the Coffee Cafe to see if Matt was there, but on second thought, he decided not to.

Peter stopped him when he returned to the office and asked him if he’d like to come over for dinner with him and Elizabeth. Neal thought a moment and then said yes.

That night after Neal had gone home, Elizabeth told Peter gently, “Hon, I think Neal’s fallen in love.”

Peter frowned and protested, “He just met this guy. You know Neal. He gets enthusiastic about whatever he does.”

Elizabeth said, “I don’t think that’s it, Hon. You know we have to let him go if he will be happier. We’ve always known that.”

“So some young Adonis comes along and Neal just brushes off everything we’ve had together?” Peter complained.

Elizabeth just told him to go to sleep, but she was worried. She knew how much Peter loved Neal and how possessive of him he was. Yet she had never seen Neal so crazy about anyone, except Kate, and that was different.

The following day, when Neal got home from work, he found Matt waiting on his doorstep. His heart leapt and he broke out in a big pleased smile. “Hello!” he greeted him and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Come on in!”

Matt was immediately relieved that Neal was so happy to see him. He just didn’t think he could give up this new crush as soon as it started. He’d been dreaming of the handsome con man every night.

“What’s up?” asked Neal, then blushed. “I mean, besides that.”

“Does there have to be something more?” Matt asked seductively, putting his arms around Neal’s waist from behind and kissing his neck.

Surprised, Neal turned with sparkling eyes and said, “No, not really, no,” and reached out to put his arms loosely around the other man. 

Matt pulled him close into a tight hug and said huskily, “I don’t want to lose you, Neal.” 

“Hey, why would you lose me?” Neal asked.

Matt sighed and said, “Come on, let’s sit down and talk.” 

Neal gave him a quick kiss and said, “If you insist.”

Matt said, “I told you I’m a doctor in my psychiatry residency, right?” Neal nodded and he continued, “Since I haven’t finished my training yet, I review and discuss all my cases with a more experienced doctor who is my supervisor.”

Neal nodded again and said, “Dr. Lilly.”

Matt looked surprised and asked “How do you know?”

“She told me,” Neal explained. “She explained her concern about seeing both of us for different reasons.”

“How do you feel about it, Neal?” asked Matt with a worried look.

“I trust Dr. Lilly,” Neal replied. “She always seem to be able to handle everything. I think it’ll be okay.”

“Do you like her, I mean, is she helpful to you?” asked Matt.

“Yeah, she really helps me a lot.” Neal explained, “I’ve been involved in some really traumatic situations in my work and she has helped me through the aftermath.”

Matt looked concerned, “What kind of situations, Neal? I didn’t realize your consulting work was dangerous.”

Neal sighed, “Sometimes it is, but let’s not talk about that now. OK?”

“OK,” Matt agreed, “Some other time maybe.” Then he reached for Neal and said, “Hug?”

Neal was more than happy to cuddle up with his attractive new friend. He liked the way he smelled. It reminded him of the sex they had and he felt himself getting hard.

Matt noticed it, too, and smiled. “Got something in your pocket there or are you just glad to see me?”

Neal murmured, “Glad to see you,” and he began nuzzling Matt’s neck.

Just when they were really getting into kissing and petting each other, the door to the apartment opened and Mozzie walked in. “Oh, s'cuse moi!” he said and turned around, but Neal stopped him, saying, “Come on in, Mozz. Meet my new friend Matt McKay.”

Mozzie peered at the two men and said, “An embarrassment of riches in the good looking males department.”

Matt got up to shake Mozzie’s hand with a wry smile, but the short bald man was already making excuses and leaving. “Nice to meet you,” Matt called after him. Then he turned to Neal with a questioning look.

Neal explained fondly, “Mozzie is my oldest and most trusted friend. He’s sort of like a brother to me. He’s a little unusual but he has a heart of gold.”

“And he just walks in here any time?” Matt questioned.

“I should lock the door,” Neal said lightly, “Not that that would keep Mozz out.”

Matt looked confused and asked, "Why not?”

Neal laughed and said, “Let’s just say that locks don’t mean much where Mozzie is concerned.” Seeing Matt’s continued confusion, Neal realized how foreign his world of cons and criminals and FBI stings was to the young doctor. “We can talk about it sometime,” he offered.

Matt asked quietly, “Is he a boyfriend?” which made Neal laugh as he shook his head no.

“Do you have a boyfriend?" Matt persisted. “I didn’t think to ask you that.”

Neal was uncomfortable but he confessed, “My partner, Peter Burke is also my lover.”

“The older guy?” asked Matt, surprised. “The FBI agent?”

Neal nodded. Matt felt like he had more information than he knew what to do with and more questions than answers, so he just laughed, “Is he going to arrest me or shoot me or something?”

Neal laughed, too. “No, nothing like that!” Then he asked, “Matt, do you have a boyfriend?”

Matt smiled at him with his warm green eyes and said, “Not for a long time. Or girlfriend either.”

Neal said, “Me, too – except for Peter.”

Matt shook his head and asked, “Could we go back to what we were doing before your little friend barged in?”

“Mmm, what a great idea,” confirmed Neal as he leaned in for a kiss. “Where were we?”

Just when things began to get hot and they were lying on the couch in each other’s arms, starting to unbutton and pull up clothing, there was a firm knock on the door.

Matt sat up and muttered, “At least they knocked this time.”

Neal got up quickly, straightening his clothing, and said, “It’s Peter.”

Matt looked at him questioningly but Neal just shrugged and went to the door. He opened it part way and stood so he was blocking the view of the inside of the apartment. “Peter!” He greeted him. "What’s going on?”

Peter took one look at Neal’s mussed hair and clothing and slightly flushed face and knew exactly what was going on. “Oh, bad timing, I guess,” he observed.

Neal said, “Well, yeah, little bit. Can I call you later?”

“Yeah, sure,” Peter said, giving Neal a hard look. “You call me.”

Neal returned apologetically to Matt. “Sorry,” he explained. “People are used to me being here alone.”

Matt got up and walked around, looking closely at Neal’s things for the first time. When he came to the easel with a charcoal nude on it, he stopped to examine it. Neal walked over beside him and watched his reaction. “Are you an artist, too?” asked Matt with wonder.

Neal replied with his usual answer, “I dabble,” but he was secretly pleased by the admiration Matt was showing. “I love art and I’m good with my hands, I guess,” he said in the understatement of the year. Neal realized again that there was so much more that Matt didn’t know about him. He wondered what he didn’t know about Matt, too.

Their mood was pretty much broken and Matt said, “Well, I’d better go home now. I just wanted to see you.”

Neal smiled at him fondly and put his hands on his shoulders and assured him “Come anytime. You are welcome.”

That made Matt smile and after a quick kiss goodbye, he left. He had a lot of things to think about. Who was the exotic creature he was falling so hard for? So much he didn’t know about him.

It occurred to him that Dr. Lilly must know an awful lot. She certainly wasn’t going to share anything with him, though. He wondered if she kept notes in her office. He tried to put the thought out of his mind, but the temptation to find out more about Neal kept coming back to his mind. He thought about what Neal had said about his friend, Mozzie, that locked doors wouldn’t stop him.

Neal knew he had to talk to Peter, but he dreaded it. Really, Peter was still the most important person in Neal’s life, in spite of their conflicts and trust issues. He was still Neal’s lover, too, though that hadn’t happened much lately.

Neal’s mind flickered back to the gloriously sensuous night with Matt that had none of the overtones, or undertones, that were part of Neal and Peter’s lovemaking. Neal had never been especially committed to sexual fidelity as a partner and he hadn’t really expected it of others either. After all, as he had reminded Dr. Lilly, Peter had Elizabeth. Peter hadn’t minded when he had sex with Sara or Rebecca, at least not very much.

He thought about the complications with Peter, and with Dr. Lilly, and even with Mozzie, that would occur if he continued to see Matt. It didn’t seem fair, though, that he should have to give up such an intriguing man just to save other people trouble. He wondered how that fit into the borders issue that Dr. Lilly often talked about.

Neal shrugged and went back to his charcoal sketch. As he looked it over, he decided to start another one, this time modeled on Matt McKay’s chiseled body. He’d talk to Peter tomorrow.

Peter needed to talk to Neal, but he was afraid of what might come of their conversation. What if Neal really preferred his new younger, extremely good looking and polished lover? All the issues surrounding Neal and Peter’s sexual relationship were stirred up. 

He decided to reach out to Dr. Lilly. When she took his call, she asked, “Peter, is Neal all right?” Peter realized that in the past he had usually called her to tell her Neal needed her help.

He assured her, “Yes, Neal’s fine, but I’m not sure I am. Did you know Neal has a new young lover?”

“You know I can’t talk about Neal with you without his permission, Peter,” she reminded him.

“Well, you remember when you and I talked about the issues surrounding my sexual relationship with Neal?” he asked.

“Yes, of course,” she said, “But I believe we had Neal’s permission to talk at that point. It was right after that that he asked me not to talk to you about him unless he was present.”

“Well, I’m having trouble with those issues right now. I have to talk to Neal about his new boyfriend, but I don’t know how that’s going to go,” he confessed.

“Well, without revealing anything about what Neal has told me, I would encourage you to have that conversation with him. Try to remain calm and be honest with him. Do you think you can do that?” Dr. Lilly asked.

“I can try, doctor,” he said. “Thanks for the encouragement.”

Dr. Lilly said, “Peter, if there is tension between you and Neal, I’d like to remind you both not to take dangerous chances in your work if you can avoid it.”

“I understand, doctor,” Peter told her. They still hadn’t closed the art gallery case and that might require Neal to go undercover, he thought. He wondered now if that was a good idea. Then he thought involuntarily, “Damn it, Neal. It’s always something with you.”

After work, a good humored Neal was standing outside Peter’s office juggling some rubber band balls to amuse himself while he waited for Peter to come out of his office. When Peter came out, he asked, “Neal, why didn’t you come in?”

Neal replied innocently, “I just decided to wait for you. I didn’t want to bother you.”

Peter asked him, “Well, was there something you wanted?”

Neal gave him a big smile and said, “Yeah, I wanted to see if you wanted to go get a beer.”

“How about your place?” Peter asked and Neal said, “Sure. I could use a ride home.”

They both settled comfortably at the table as they had so many times before. Neal joined Peter in having a specialty brewed beer. He stared at Peter with a bright twinkle in his eye until Peter finally said, “Come on, Neal, what is it?”

Neal started, “Well, remember when I went out with Sara? If I remember, you encouraged me to pursue her. You knew I slept with her.”

Peter nodded and said, “I did.”

Neal continued, “Well, now I want to go out with Matt McKay – and I want to sleep with him.”

Peter said, “Are you asking my permission, Neal?”

“Not exactly,” Neal said lightly, “More like your blessing.”

“Neal, do you even know anything about this guy?” Peter asked.

“Well, actually I’m a lot more afraid of what he doesn’t know about me than what I don’t know about him,” Neal confessed.

Peter gave him an ironic smile and said, “You know I’m going to run a background check on him, don’t you?”

Neal grinned. “You mean you haven’t done that yet?” he joked.

Peter went around and leaned over so he could put his arms around Neal from behind. He rested his cheek on Neal’s head, loving the feel of his soft wavy hair. “Be careful, Buddy,” he said.

Tears came to Neal’s eyes as he told him, “I will. I promise.”

After Peter left, Neal went back to his charcoal sketch for awhile to block his confusing feelings. Then he checked the time and wondered if it was too late to call Matt. He really didn’t know what the doctor’s schedule was.

As he stood there with his phone in his hand, it vibrated and Neal smiled as he saw the ID said Matt McKay, MD. “Hi,” he said, “What a nice surprise.”

Matt said, “I’m not calling too late then?”

“Nope. I was just sitting here wondering whether it was too late to call you, as a matter of fact.” Neal told him.

Matt sounded relieved, saying, “It’s really never too late for you call me, Neal. Was there a reason you wanted to call me?”

Neal laughed softly, “Yeah, there was. I missed you. I wanted to hear your voice.”

Matt said, “Me too. Now what are we going to talk about?”

Neal said seriously, “Matt, I talked to Peter this afternoon and he’s okay with my dating you.”

“Dating, Neal?” he questioned.

“Sleeping with you,” Neal clarified.

“He said that?” asked Matt.

“Not exactly, but he didn’t exactly object either. He told me to be careful,” Neal explained.

“Is he afraid I’m going to give you a disease or is he afraid I’m going to break your heart?” chuckled Matt.

Neal laughed, “I’m not sure. I know he doesn’t want me to get hurt.”

“Is he sort of a father figure to you, Neal?” asked Matt.

“I wouldn’t say that,” said Neal, “more of a big brother and best friend except we’re lovers, too.”

“How long has that been going on?” Matt asked. “You know some people might think he was taking advantage of his power over you to exploit you sexually and control you.”

“Now you sound like Dr. Lilly,” Neal said calmly. “Matt, I love Peter. I seduced him and he didn’t make it easy.”

“What about me then?” Matt asked, a little wistfully.

“It’s different with you, Matt,” Neal tried to explain. “With you there’s just pure lust and attraction without all the complications. You get me excited. The other night when we were together was heaven.”

Matt laughed, “So you’re saying it’s just sex, then?”

Neal teased, “Well, that’s a lot of it, but I want to get to know you, too. I like you.”

“I like you too, Neal, and I want to know you better, too,” Matt assured him. "I feel like I'm in puppy love."

Neal sighed, “I always wanted a puppy. I wish you were here so I could kiss you, Matty.”

“How about tomorrow night? But I’ll take you out to dinner first this time,” promised Matt.

“You didn’t like my cooking?” Neal teased.

“I loved your cooking, but I’m giving you a night off,” Matt responded. “I’ll pick you up at 7:30?”

“Sure, but Matt, can we keep it within my anklet radius?” asked Neal.

Matt showed up for the dinner date looking like a million dollars in his sport coat, open necked shirt and slacks. He was treated to Neal in one of his Devore suits, complete with hat set at its familiar jaunty angle over one eye. They appraised each other appreciatively.

Matt had chosen a stylish nouveau cuisine restaurant. Neal knew the prices were astronomical, but it was obvious that it didn’t matter to Matt.

“Want to play twenty questions?” Neal asked.

“Sure. Ask me anything,” Matt answered.

“OK, where were you born?” Neal started. He followed with, “How old are you?” and “What medical school did you go to?” and “Do you have any brother and sisters?” Matt asked similar questions of Neal.

“Those are the easy questions, though,” Matt remarked. “What I really want to know is what makes you tick, what gets you excited, what makes you angry, what makes you sad.”

Neal said, “Those are harder questions to answer. How about what do you want me to do to you in bed tonight?”

“That works for me,” Matt smiled. “Are you ready to go?”

That night in bed, they experimented to find the answers to that question. They discovered each other’s sensitive erotic triggers and took full advantage of them. Neal took Matt in his mouth and told him he wanted him to come in his throat. Matt asked Neal if he liked to be fucked. Then he asked if he had any condoms. They finished their night of lovemaking in an orgasmic rush and collapsed in each other’s arms.

Matt said, “You make me so happy, Neal.” Neal snuggled in as close as he could and said, "Me, too, Matty." They slept entangled together until very early in the morning when Matt rose to leave so he could go home and change before work.

Dr. Lilly was beginning to hope maybe things would work out okay. She continued to work with both Matt and Neal and, while their enthusiasm for each other was obvious, no conflicts of interest or violations of confidentiality had occurred. She still worried about the ultimate outcome of the relationship between the two complicated young men, but she was less worried after Peter seemed to accept Neal’s new love.

Neal’s biggest concern was what Matt would think when he learned the extent of Neal’s life as a criminal and how he would react to the fact that Neal had suffered a rape and other traumatic injuries. Matt was worried that Neal would be put off by his spoiled rich family and tyrannical father. For the time being, though, those subjects had not come up.

One evening Mozzie came over to Neal’s while Matt was there and began telling stories of some of his and Neal’s exploits. Mozzie kept pouring the wine and, before the evening was over, Neal and Mozzie entertained Matt by showing off some of their pickpocket and lock picking skills. After Mozz had gone home, Neal explained how he used those talents now for the FBI and described a few of his undercover roles.

“So you really are in danger sometimes,” Matt observed. “You’ve been beat up and shot at and kidnapped. Those are pretty traumatic experiences for anyone.”

“They can be. They have been sometimes. Peter accuses me of taking too many risks,” Neal admitted.

“I couldn’t stand for anything bad to happen to you,” Matt told him as he pulled him closer. “You deserve to be loved and cherished and I want to make you happy.”

Neal smiled sleepily, “You do make me happy, Matty, very happy.” And it was true. Sometimes Neal felt that he had never been happier.

Matt learned a few tricks from his night with Mozzie and Neal and he decided he would let himself into Dr. Lilly’s office after hours and take a look at her notes on Neal. He was fascinated with Neal and he still felt that he didn’t understand the depth of his complexity. He was also obsessed with Neal’s safety.

It turned out to be very easy to get into the doctor’s office. Once inside, Matt turned on the lights and relaxed. If anyone asked what he was doing there, he would simply show them his ID and claim he had permission to be there. Locating Neal’s file was a little more challenging as it was not with the rest of Dr. Lilly’s patient files. When he found it tucked into a credenza, he saw why. Neal’s sketches took his breath away, especially one of Neal and Peter nude after sex and another one with a nude bruised Neal being carried by a big FBI agent.

Matt was surprised by the volume of Dr. Lilly’s notes until he started to read them. His heart broke as he realized how much severe trauma Neal had suffered. He was touched by the quality of Dr. Lilly’s therapeutic treatment of Neal and impressed by his resilient positive response.

Matt felt that he was getting an intimate look into a life filled with adventure and turmoil that he had never even imagined. He gasped as he read about how Kate had perished in an explosion of a plane that Neal had been about to board. He wondered what the temporary freedom in Cape Verde had been like for Neal and how hard it was to return his captive life with the FBI in New York City. He couldn’t imagine how difficult it must have been for Neal to have his young agent handler shot and killed by his girlfriend Rebecca who turned out to be an evil psychopath who died at the hands of the police.

When daylight began to dawn, he carefully replaced everything back in the file and tucked it into its place in the credenza. He was confident that he had left no clue that he had been there and he left quietly with no threat of discovery.

As much as Matt loved going to Neal’s apartment, he wanted Neal to visit him in his loft. He wanted to capture the essence of him in his own living space so he could feel his presence even after he was gone. He knew a night of good sex would make that happen.

Neal accepted his invitation. He was curious to see where Matt lived. He found it to be a cozy loft space as Matt had said, however everything in it was expensive and in good taste from the furniture to the sheets to the glassware and silverware. Neal reminded himself again of his partner’s practically unlimited wealth. Matt had been raised all his life with luxury and he just took it for granted.

When Neal was comfortable, Matt said, “I have a special treat for you.” He produced a small goblet into which he carefully poured a green liqueur and some distilled water. “Ever tried Absinthe?”

Neal was intrigued. He knew the mysterious effects had been sought by the writers and artists of Europe in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, but he thought it was no longer made. Matt said, “This bottle is from some very old stock that my grandfather brought back from Europe many years ago. It is not commercially available. I think you’ll find it special.”

Neal accepted the drink and found its strong taste interesting. They drank them down like shots. After the third glass, Neal definitely felt high. He tried to stand up and nearly fell back down. He felt like he was very drunk except he had clarity of thought and experience that didn’t feel dulled by the alcohol. Colors and sounds were bright and clear.

Matt came over and put his arms around Neal. “Are you okay?” he asked. Neal nodded and smiled, looking slightly disoriented. Matt pressed his impressive erection against Neal and he immediately responded with a stiff erection of his own. “I forgot to tell you that Absinthe is also known as an aphrodisiac,” Matt murmured into Neal’s neck.

Neal felt bombarded by his senses but it felt good. It remind him a little of the MDMA effect of energizing him and sharpening his sensory perceptions, but the added effects of the strong alcohol made it different. He put his hands on Matt’s face and began kissing him languidly until his cock was straining against his pants.

The two lovers took their time undressing each other, teasing and stopping to lick or bite bare skin whenever they exposed it. Matt bit Neal’s nipples and he swayed with the sensation. Matt led him to his bed and, as they finally removed their pants. Neal felt as though he was about to come from the sheer sensuality of Matt touching him. But as Matt gently stroked him and then used his mouth to produce exquisite sensations, Neal could feel his mind going to a pleasantly blank state in which he could simply enjoy the sensational feelings. 

When he came into Matt’s mouth, he felt an enormous ecstatic release as he gripped Matt’s blond hair and convulsed into hard spasms. “Oh Matt,” he groaned, “What have you done to me?” 

Then Matt was kissing his mouth as their bodies melded together. Neal worked his way down Matt’s well toned slightly tanned body with his tongue, enjoying his musky, sexy scent. When he reached his cock, Neal began to lick and nip and tease until Matt was so hard he cried out. Then Neal took Matt’s cock deep in his throat and let him fuck his mouth hard. When he came, Matt screamed in pleasure.

The two lovers lay in each other’s arms feeling perfectly satisfied and complete together. Neal wasn’t sure if he had ever felt this profoundly at one with another person. It was a wonderful peaceful feeling and he wanted it to last for a long time. He mumbled “Absinthe,” and gave a little laugh. Then he curled into Matt and slept.

When they awoke in the morning, Neal felt a little nauseous and had a headache, but he wasn’t hung over in the awful way he sometimes felt after drinking too much whiskey. Matt brought them some cranberry juice and after he was hydrated again, Neal felt better. His memory of the night before was a little cloudy on the details, but he clearly remembered the wonderful high he had felt with Matt.

Since it was Saturday morning, they were not in a hurry and soon began to leisurely kiss and pet each other again. Neal stopped to look into Matt’s remarkable green eyes and say, “I’m loving this so much, Matty. I’m loving you.” Matt’s eyes softened and blurred as he said happily, “I’m so glad it’s mutual. You are so beautiful, lover, I wish we could stay here forever.”

Then Matt told Neal that he had wanted them to make love in his bed so he could capture Neal’s scent and fall asleep at night dreaming of him. Neal was filled with passion again and this time he took Matt’s cock roughly in one hand and began to play with his asshole with the other. He felt an overwhelming desire to fuck him.

Matt handed Neal some lube and a condom and said hoarsely, “Take me, Neal.” He screamed when Neal entered him in spite of plenty of preparation and he was so tight that Neal realized Matt had never done this before. He tenderly fucked him, gradually going deeper and harder until Matt was comfortable. 

Matt began to respond to the intense sensations of having Neal inside him at the same time he was urgently stroking his cock. He began to rock and buck into Neal’s hand and arch his back to meet the intense feeling in his ass. Suddenly it all came together and he was spurting hot semen onto Neal’s chest. Neal took that as permission to come to his own hard climax deep inside Matt.

Neal gave Matt a brilliant smile and said, “That was so fantastic! I think you are the best lover I’ve ever had.” Matt gave him a deeply satisfied smile in return as he reached up and traced a pattern in the cum on Neal’s chest. Neal withdrew his cock and disposed of the condom.

“My turn to make you breakfast,” Neal said fondly and padded over to the small kitchen where he found enough ingredients to make a delicious omelet and some fruit to go with it. “Got to keep your strength up,” he joked as he fed some to Matt in bed. Matt gave a happy sigh and said, “I think I’m in heaven.”

Matt said, almost shyly, “That was my first time this morning, um, you know, being fucked. I always wondered what it would be like – and it was fantastic!”

“Are you sore?” asked Neal gently. "Yeah, kind of,” Matt told him, “But in a good way.”

Neal couldn’t stop thinking about Matt as he went about his days. He felt extremely content and productive in the way only someone in love can be. Even Peter had to feel happy for him, despite the ache of jealousy. He knew he had never inspired that same depth of pure happiness in Neal, as intense as their own relationship had been.

Peter and Elizabeth invited Neal to bring Matt for dinner at their home and they finally accepted. Matt was curious and Neal wanted him to see the home and family that had often seemed like his own. With some trepidation, Matt promised that he would take Neal to visit his own home and family soon, though he often believed he had felt more at home at his boarding school.

El was the perfectly charming hostess as always. She had missed the frequent visits from Neal and she felt sorry for Peter as he was left out of Neal’s personal life more and more, but she was pleased to see Neal so happy and peaceful and El liked his new lover, Matt, very much. Not only was he a perfect aesthetic match for Neal, he genuinely seemed to care deeply for him.

Over dinner, talk turned inevitably to Neal and Peter’s adventures at the FBI. They enjoyed teasing each other and topping each other’s stories. Matt felt a twinge of jealousy at their obvious compatibility and camaraderie. He didn’t miss the occasional looks of longing in Peter’s eyes either.

Finally, Elizabeth said, “That’s enough FBI stories, you two. I’d like to hear about Matt for a change. What is it like to be a psychiatrist?”

Matt demurred, “I’m really still in training, not a full fledged psychiatrist with my own practice yet.”

“It must give you quite a lot of insight into people’s behavior,” Peter said. “I’d like to know what it’s like to grow up as the son of a billionaire.”

Neal and El gave Peter dirty looks, but Matt smiled and said, “That’s all right. You have to realize, though, that it’s the only experience I’ve ever had so it seems normal to me. Believe it or not, money doesn’t automatically make people happy. It is true that it affords a certain amount of luxury and convenience, but it definitely does not buy love.”

“Would you say you came from a happy family, Matt?” Elizabeth asked.

“Not really. My mother was an alcoholic who was in out of mental hospitals for mental breakdowns. I had three other stepmothers, each younger than the one before, who had no interest in me or my brother or sister. My father is a driven workaholic who only noticed me when I did something to displease him, like getting one B on my report card or failing to excel at polo. Sounds pretty awful, doesn’t it?” Matt said with a little smile.

Neal took Matt’s hand and squeezed it. “Was it so awful?” he asked sympathetically.

Matt said, “Well, I’m not such a poor little rich kid. I had a wonderful Nanny who loved me and raised me like her own child. We had a cook and a gardener who were married to each other and acted almost like surrogate parents to us children, too. I have an older sister and a younger brother. We were very close growing up. All the other boys I knew went to boarding school like I did, so there wasn’t anything strange about that.”

Matt sipped his wine and continued, “When I got to college, it was the first time I really got to know people who didn’t grow up the way I did. One of the reasons I chose psychiatry was to gain a better understanding of people. I’m still working on that. Now I live in a loft near the hospital that isn’t anywhere near as nice as Neal’s apartment, or your lovely home. I’m not ashamed of my wealth because it’s part of who I am, but I don’t make a big thing of it.”

Peter could see why Neal was so attracted to this lovely man. “What are your future plans, Matt?” he asked.

“Aww, come on, Agent Burke, you’ve grilled Matt enough. Next you’ll be asking him whether his intentions toward me are honorable!” Neal broke in with a wink.

“They are,” Matt said quickly, looking at Neal very seriously. “My intentions, I mean, they’re honorable,” he stammered and blushed a little.

Neal leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Mine, too,” he said.

Elizabeth said, “Aww, how cute.” She looked over to see how Peter was taking all this. He was gazing at Neal with a speculative look that she couldn’t quite interpret. At least, he didn’t seem upset.

When Neal and Matt got back to Neal’s apartment, Neal sat on his couch and said “Come here, Matty,” using the pet name he liked to call Matt. He put his arms around him and said, “I was so proud of you tonight.”

Matt lay down with his head in Neal's lap and looked up at Neal’s soft blue eyes, “I never knew I could be this happy,” he said. Neal’s eyes teared up as he had been thinking much the same thing.

Matt reached down casually and touched Neal’s anklet. “How long until you are free?” he asked. “I want to take you to France.”

“Mmm, I’m counting down the months now,” he said.

“Couldn’t Peter get you out early if he tried?” Matt asked curiously.

“I’m not sure he wants to,” admitted Neal. “I’m pretty useful to him.”

“You’re not thinking of working for the FBI after you’re free, are you?” Matt asked with mild alarm. “You know I have dreams of you being a full time artist.

”We’d starve if we depended on that,” teased Neal.

“But you’ll never have to worry about that with me,” said Matt sincerely. Suddenly, he got on his knees in front of Neal and pulled something from his pocket. It was a beautiful antique silver ring. Matt said, “Neal, I’d like to give this to you.”

Neal smiled, “Oh Matt, it’s beautiful, but I’m not sure what you are really asking me.”

Matt said, “I’m not sure either. I just want you to have it. Maybe it’s my way of claiming you. Maybe it’s my way of trying to protect you. I want you to be safe. I never want you to be hurt again.”

Neal took the ring from him and turned it over in his hand to look at it. “Again?” he repeated casually.

Matt confessed, “I know you’ve been hurt. I know you’ve had to survive by your wits.” He lowered his voice and said, “I know you were raped.”

Neal asked with a dangerous edge in his voice, “And how do you know that?”

Matt looked steadily at him and said, “I read Dr. Lilly’s record. I saw your drawings.”

Suddenly Neal sat straight up with both feet on the ground. He looked angry and he looked hurt.

Matt said quickly, “She didn’t show them to me. She doesn’t know I saw them. I broke into her office one night to find them.” Seeing how upset Neal was, he said pleadingly, “Neal, I just wanted to know more about you, to understand you better.”

“Do you?” Neal said coldly. “Do you think you understand me better now?”

Matt stammered, “I’m, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…. I just wanted to know everything about you.”

“You couldn’t just ask me?” Neal said as he paced the room. “Does Dr. Lilly know?”

“No, I swear she has no idea,” Matt cried.

Neal was silent, pacing with that clouded expression of anger on his face.

Matt said, “I guess you want me to go now.”

“Yes,” Neal said simply, walking him to the door. 

After he left, Neal poured himself a drink. His hand shook. He felt so betrayed. He blinked back tears and suddenly he just wanted Peter. He thought about getting a cab to Brooklyn, but it was late and he didn’t really want to face El, so he picked up his phone and pressed the speed dial.

When Peter answered, Neal said, “Hey,” suddenly feeling shy.

“Hey you,” replied Peter. “Everything okay, Buddy?”

Neal swallowed the lump in his throat. “No, no it isn’t. I’m not okay,” he replied blinking back tears.

“Want me to come over?” volunteered Peter, sensing his friend’s anguish.

“Yes, please,” Neal answered gratefully.

Neal finished his drink while he waited and poured another. He thought back to the night he and Matt had drunk the Absinthe together. He had never felt closer to anyone than he had that night.

Peter arrived and took one look at Neal and folded him in his strong arms. Neal sighed and collapsed into him, resting his head on the familiar chest.

“Want to tell me what happened?” Peter asked gently.

“Not yet, Peter,” Neal sighed. Then he picked up Matt’s ring and said bitterly, “He gave me this.”

Peter looked at him questioningly, “What does this mean, Neal?”

“I’m not sure,” Neal replied slowly, “He said he wanted to keep me safe.” Then Neal told Peter, “Matt read Dr. Lilly’s records on me. He saw my sketches. He told me he knew I was raped.”

Peter said with consternation, “I can’t believe Dr. Lilly would show him your records!”

“She didn’t. He broke into her office and found them.” Neal explained. “Matt said Dr. Lilly doesn’t know he saw them.”

“Oh Neal, come here, Buddy. Let me hold you,” Peter said. He realized how violated Neal was feeling by Matt’s intrusion into his private life. But as Neal came into his arms, Peter couldn’t help being thrilled to hold Neal again. He buried his face in Neal’s sweet smelling hair and breathed deeply. He tried to shift position subtly so Neal wouldn’t feel him getting hard.

Neal looked down at Peter’s cock and smiled a little. “Missed me?” he smiled.

Peter gathered him in and sighed, “More than you’ll ever know.”

“I didn’t call you here for that,” said Neal carefully.

“I know,” Peter said. “Come on, I could use a drink and you could use another one.”

Neal gratefully poured their drinks and handed one to Peter. “To old times,” he toasted Peter.

They sat on the couch with Neal leaning against Peter, familiar arms wrapped around him. “I needed this,” said Neal. “Thanks for coming.”

Peter lightly kissed the back of Neal’s neck. “Any time,” he murmured. “You can always call me, Neal.”

Neal let himself be comforted and felt the alcohol finally blotting out all his confusing feelings.

“You want to talk?” asked Peter. Neal just shook his head and then he turned over to lie in Peter’s arms. He looked affectionately into the familiar brown eyes and leaned in to give him a long sensual kiss. “I want to go to bed,” Neal said, “With you, Peter.”

They made love languidly, comfortable with each other’s bodies and responses. Neither one was in any hurry. They just wanted to feel each other, to be together again. Neal wasn't even very hard. Gradually, their interest piqued and the intensity of their movements increased. “What do you want, Neal?” asked Peter tenderly.

“I want us to suck each other,” he suggested, turning around so they were both mouth to genitals. He began to kiss and nip at Peter’s swollen cock and felt Peter do the same to him. Soon each took the other in his mouth and they began to suck each other rhythmically, adding pleasure with their tongues. Again, they took their time, thoroughly enjoying the intimacy. As their intensity increased, both men were moaning and suddenly they found a perfect rhythm, which led to near simultaneous explosions into each other’s mouths.

Neal rested his head on Peter’s firm thigh and said, “Wow.”

Peter pulled him up to lie on his chest and said, “Yeah, wow.”

It was well after midnight and their emotions and the sex and the alcohol caught up with them. They fell asleep without moving. Awhile later, Peter got up for a bathroom break and turned off the lights and pulled the covers over them as he slid back into bed and pressed against Neal’s back.

Neal awoke briefly and snuggled comfortably into Peter, but he realized regretfully that he had just been dreaming about a green-eyed blond built like a Greek god.

Matt had not gone home when Peter arrived. He was still sitting outside Neal’s apartment in his car. When the lights finally went out, he drove himself home to his lonely loft, where he could still catch a faint scent of Neal and their lovemaking. He felt confused and heartbroken.

When he went into Dr. Lilly’s the next day for his supervision session, Matt felt broken. One look at him told her that there was a problem. “I’m not your therapist, Matt," Dr. Lilly said carefully, “But I wonder if you need to see someone.”

“It shows that much, huh?” he shrugged. “Want to know what happened?”

“I don’t think I do,” the older doctor told him. “As I said it’s not my role to be your therapist.”

“Yeah, yeah, well this going to affect my work,” he said harshly.

“OK,” she relented, “Then you’d better tell me.”

“Neal doesn’t want to see me anymore. He’s gone back to Peter,” he said, blinking back tears.

“How is that going to affect your work, Matt?” she asked, struggling to keep their roles appropriate.

“Well, the reason is because I told him I had broken into this office so I could see his files,” he confessed defiantly.

“Oh Matt, you didn’t,” Dr. Lilly said, not hiding her shock. “How could you?”

“I’m obsessed with him. I’m in love with him. I wanted to know everything about him,” he cried. “Those wonderful drawings he made were so unbelievably beautiful. He’s beautiful.”

Dr. Lilly forced herself to be calm. “You told Neal that you saw them?” she asked quietly.

“I didn’t mean to. I told him I didn’t want him to be hurt any more. I gave him a silver ring. I said I hoped it would protect him. He asked me how I knew he’d been hurt. And, and I told him I saw his drawings,” he said miserably. “Don’t worry, I told him you didn’t know anything about it.”

“But I failed to keep his most confidential information safe. We both did, Matt,” Dr. Lilly admonished. “You have put me in a very difficult position and you may have caused Neal to turn away from therapy that has been very helpful to him. You know how long it takes to gain a patient’s trust. What you did was extremely unethical.”

“I know that,” Matt said. “I never wanted to hurt Neal, or you either.”

“But you wanted something and you found a way to get it outside the rules,” she said thoughtfully. “You know, I may be able to explain this to Neal after all. He’s not so different from you in some ways.”

“What about me?” he asked.

“You are going to have to suffer the consequences of your actions. You’re not going to have to go to prison the way Neal did for his mistakes, but your career is in jeopardy. And you’re going to have to live with Neal’s rejection. You betrayed him. Unfortunately, you’re not the first important person in his life who has done that,” Dr. Lilly explained.

Matt added, “And I’ve ruined my relationship with you, too.” 

She just nodded at him and said, “Matt, I urge you to seek therapy for yourself.”

He nodded slowly and got up and left her office. Dr. Lilly took a deep breath. She would be seeing Neal in an hour. Just as she had feared from the time she realized Matt and Neal were seeing each other, the train had come off the track, if it hadn’t completely crashed and burned. She owed him an apology at the very least.

But Neal didn’t keep his appointment with her. After half an hour, she asked her secretary to try to call him, but there was no answer. After the entire hour had passed with no word from him, the doctor hesitated and then called Peter.

“Dr. Lilly,” he said curtly when he answered.

“I’m concerned that Neal didn’t keep his appointment with me this afternoon,” she told him. “I expect you know why, but I wanted to be sure he is all right.”

“Do you know why, Dr. Lilly?” Peter asked her, glancing across the room to Neal sitting quietly at his desk.

“Yes, Matt told me this morning what he did. I knew nothing about it before then,” Dr. Lilly explained. “Believe me, I’m devastated to know that Neal’s trust was violated. Matt will be disciplined for his actions. In fact, this will probably end his residency in psychiatry.”

Peter relented slightly, “Well, I suppose you don’t exactly have a secure facility over there. And it’s not like Neal hasn’t ever broken into places to get things he wanted. If you want to see him, I’ll try to talk to him.”

“I’d appreciate it if you’d encourage him to let me explain what happened, even if he no longer has confidence in me as his therapist. I can refer him to someone else. Neal has made so much progress in his therapy,” the doctor sighed. Then she said, “Take care of him, Peter. I know you love him. I’m so sorry this happened.”

Peter looked thoughtfully down where Neal was still sitting, looking like he was a thousand miles away. Peter wondered if Neal wished he were back in Cape Verde or some other paradise. He decided to wait until after work to talk to him about his psychiatrist.

Neal came into Peter’s office at the end of the day and leaned against the wall, arms folded. Peter said, “What?” sounding as if he knew he was guilty of something. Neal laughed, “Day’s over. Time to go home, Workaholic.”

Peter smiled at him and said, “You know, you’re right. There’s nothing here that can’t wait until tomorrow. You want to grab a beer or something?”

Neal looked away and said, “Peter, you don’t have to. I’m a big boy. I’ll be all right.”

“You’re right. You’re not the beautiful headstrong boy I chased for so long, Neal. Now you are a gorgeous mature man that I am proud to call my friend and lucky to call my lover,” said Peter sincerely.

Neal blushed at the unexpected compliment and looked at him with surprise. “Wow, what that brought on?” he asked.

“Let’s go get those beers and I’ll tell you, ok?” answered Peter.

“Just two guys getting a beer after work, right?” Neal answered with eyes twinkling.

“Come on, you,” said Peter fondly.

When they were seated in a dark little booth near the back of a local microbrewery, they loosened their ties and relaxed with their beers.

For a moment, Neal felt a twinge as he thought about meeting Matt in the Coffee Cafe, but this was a different kind of atmosphere, the kind of intimate place that would have been thick with cigarette smoke in years past. And this was familiar, steady, reliable Peter; not mysterious, quicksilver, alluring Matt.

Peter called him back to reality, saying, “Hey are you with me, Buddy?”

Neal visibly made the effort to brighten up and said, “Yeah, I’m here. All grown up like you said.”

“Dr. Lilly called me this afternoon,” said Peter seriously. “You missed your appointment with her. She wanted to see if you were all right.”

“What did you tell her?” Neal asked with an edge to his voice.

“I told her you were hurt,” Peter said honestly. “You should have called to cancel your appointment if you weren’t going to go, Neal. The doctor was worried about you.”

“Did she say if she knew why I didn’t keep the appointment or did you tell her?” Neal asked bitterly.

“Calm down, Neal. She said Matt told her this morning what happened. She said he’ll probably get kicked out of his residency in psychiatry because of it,” Peter told him.

Neal looked surprised. Then he said, “I guess Dr. Lilly knew why I didn’t keep my appointment then.”

“She had a pretty good idea,” Peter confirmed. “She was pretty upset, Neal.” Neal sighed, “Aren’t we all?”

Peter asked, “Are you going to talk to her?” Neal sighed again, “Yeah, I guess. I know it really wasn’t her fault.”

“What about Matt? Are you going to talk to him?” Peter asked, trying to seem casual.

Neal smiled and said, “I have to give him his ring back.”

It was painful for Peter to see Neal trying to be so brave when he knew he was heartbroken. “He was in love with you, Neal. You know? Anyone could see he was head over heels.”

“I thought I was in love with him, too, Peter,” Neal said very quietly. Then he blinked and said, “You’re not really the one I should be telling this to. It’s not fair.”

Peter gave him a wry little smile and told him, “Neal, I’m married to Elizabeth and I love her. As much as I love you, and as much as I love our lovemaking, I know I can never give you the committed full time relationship that you deserve. I’ve realized that for a while now. I just didn’t want to face it. I’ll always be here for you, though.”

Neal reached out and closed his hand over Peter’s. “That means everything to me,” he told him. “Last night, you were the one I called and I never doubted you would come.”

Peter coughed and said, “Well, let’s not get too sentimental.”

Neal gave him a broad genuine smile and said, “That’s my big tough FBI agent!”

“Oh you, shut up or I’ll handcuff you,” joked Peter, “Not that it would do any good.”

Neal said fondly, “You’ve still got my anklet.”

They finished their beers. Peter went home to El and Neal knew he would discuss everything with her. It felt good to know he was not alone. He felt understood and that helped to ease the pain of disappointment. He decided to go home and drink enough wine to let him get some sleep.

The following day, Dr. Lilly’s secretary came into her office at lunchtime and told her, “Mr. Caffrey’s out here. He doesn’t have an appointment, does he?”

“Never mind,” the doctor told her as she rose to go out and greet Neal in her waiting room. She looked at him and said quietly, “Neal.” Her expression said everything and some of Neal’s anger dissipated.

“Can we talk?” he asked. She nodded and led him back to her office.

“I owe you an apology, Neal,” she said calmly. “I should have kept your records safe. I shouldn’t have tried to continue to act as a supervisor to Matt while you were my patient. I knew there could be a conflict. I’m truly sorry.”

“It’s not you I’m upset with,” Neal told her fondly. “I thought maybe I had found someone I could really love and even spend a lifetime with. I’m beginning to think I’m never going to have that.”

“Your trust was violated. I’m not going to defend Matt’s actions. He was wrong and he knew better. He violated my trust, too,” Dr. Lilly said.

“It's not your fault, Dr. Lilly. I’m sorry I didn’t keep my appointment with you yesterday,” Neal apologized.

“You should have called me. I was worried about you,” she said mildly. “You know that I called Peter to check on you, don’t you?”

“Yes, he told me. That’s probably why I’m here,” he explained. “I don’t want to lose you as well as Matt.”

“We’ll have to work through your feelings then,” the doctor said. “Could we schedule a time for you to see me later this week?"

“Could it be soon?” he asked. Dr. Lilly smiled affectionately and asked, “How about tomorrow afternoon? I’ll ask my secretary to make time in my schedule.”

“Thank you,” he said sincerely. “I need to talk to you about Matt.” He hesitated and then asked, “Is he okay?”

“I’ve encouraged him to get his own therapy,” Dr. Lilly said. “He knows what he did was wrong and he feels bad about it.”

“Okay,” said Neal. “See you tomorrow.”

After he left the office, he tried to resist stopping by the Coffee Cafe, but he felt compelled to go there. Matt was there. When he saw Neal come in, his face lit up momentarily and then, just as quickly, he looked away. Neal didn’t know what he had expected, but seeing the pain on that beautiful face gave him no pleasure. 

Neal walked back to where Matt was standing. He staved off conversation with a warning look. Then he took Matt’s hand and pressed his ring into his hand with a gentle caress. He swiftly gave Matt a kiss on his cheek and turned around and left.

The next day when he saw Dr. Lilly, he described that encounter to her.

Dr. Lilly asked him, “What are your feelings about Matt now?"

“I just feel betrayed,” Neal sighed. “I know I couldn’t trust him now. Maybe it’s about those boundaries you talk about.”

It’s very much about boundaries, Neal,” the doctor told him. “Matt wanted something and he found a way around the rules to get it. It doesn’t matter what his reasons were. I’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt you, but he did.”

“You think I do that, too, don’t you?” Neal asked sadly. “You think I go around the rules and violate boundaries to get what I want. Even though I don’t mean to hurt anyone, people are hurt anyway.”

“I think you have done that in the past, yes,” she answered.

“Do you think I should try to forgive Matt? Do you think I should make up with him?” Neal asked.

“Those are two different questions,” Dr. Lilly told him. “I think you should try to forgive Matt, but I don’t think you should try to get back together with him.”

“Because I couldn’t forget what he did? I couldn’t trust him?” Neal wondered.

“Because you and Matt are too much alike. You would end up hurting each other again,” Dr. Lilly said. “That’s my opinion.”

“I wonder if that’s why we were so attracted to each other, because we’re so much alike,” Neal said.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if that was at least part of it, but you are both very attractive men. You must realize that," she said.

“You think I’m attractive, Doctor?” Neal teased.

“Oh Neal,” she sighed. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Just so I don’t have to do without you," Neal said affectionately.

A couple of weeks later, Neal was at home, dressed only in pajama bottoms, when someone came to his door with an unfamiliar knock. When Neal opened the door, Matt was standing there dejectedly. He was dressed casually but stylishly, his blond good looks as attractive to Neal as always. Before Neal could react, Matt told him, “I’m leaving to go home to Philadelphia tomorrow. They kicked me out of my residency.”

Neal nodded and Matt continued, “I deserve to be punished.” Then he said, looking at Neal intensely, “I want you to punish me.”

Neal looked steadily at him and then he nodded and stepped back from the door. Maybe it was the wine he had drunk that evening, maybe he just wanted one more time to enjoy his former lover’s hard body, or maybe he just felt sorry for Matt. Neal knew what Matt was asking for and he decided to give it to him.

“Take off your clothes,” Neal said roughly, “and stand over there.” He pointed towards his bed. When Matt started to sit on the bed to take off his shoes, Neal snapped, “Don’t sit on the bed.” Matt immediately complied.

When Matt stood naked before him, Neal said sternly, “You have something you want to tell me?”

Matt nodded. “I’m sorry for violating your privacy and looking at your psychiatrist’s records.”

“What do you think your punishment should be?” asked Neal coldly.

“I think I should be spanked,” Matt answered and then added, “By you.”

“Is that all, Matt? Don’t you think I should bend you over and fuck you after that?”

“Ohh, y-yes,” stammered Matt and then he whispered, “Please.”

“Bend over the bed with your ass up,” Neal commanded. Then he walked over and scratched Matt’s buttock with his fingernail, leaving a red streak. Without warning, he suddenly slapped Matt’s ass hard.

When Matt groaned with pain and pleasure, Neal felt himself getting aroused. He delivered another hard spank and then two more. Matt’s cheeks were burning red and Neal asked him, “Enough?” Matt shook his head no so Neal slapped him a couple more times. Then he ran his thumbnail down Matt’s other buttock, leaving another scratch.

“Don’t get up,” Neal told Matt as he pulled off his own pants. Quickly he went over and locked the door. When he returned, his eager cock was pointing straight up against his belly. Neal retrieved a condom and lube from his drawer and put the condom on. He coated the condom generously with the lube.

Without saying a word, Neal leaned over and lightly bit Matt’s sore ass, evoking a moan from the other man. Then he began to bite him on his back hard enough to leave tooth marks and worked his way up to Matt’s neck. He roughly entangled one hand in Matt’s soft blond hair tight enough to make him to make him wince. 

Neal used his other hand to position the head of his slick cock up against Matt's asshole, rubbing a little of the lube around. Then he reached under Matt to take hold of his throbbing erection. Neal squeezed Matt’s cock enough to make him squirm and lightly scratched the sensitive head. Using one hand in Matt’s hair and one hand on his penis for leverage, Neal thrust against Matt’s hole and forced his cock in. When Matt cried out, Neal lost all control and began fucking him hard and fast.

Matt was gratified by the pain that was blocking all feelings of guilt from his mind. He began to push against Neal’s hand around his cock. Soon he was arching and rocking to meet Neal’s deep penetrations. He moaned, “Yes, oh yes, oh God yes!” When he could not control his response to the sensory overload any longer, he ejaculated streams of semen as he finally found release. Neal continued to pound into him, using his now free hand to grasp Matt’s shoulder. Just when he felt like he never wanted to stop fucking Matt’s tight asshole, he convulsed in orgasm.

Neal collapsed onto Matt’s strong back and reached around to close his arms around him. Then he kissed the back of Matt’s neck and said softly, “I forgive you, Matty.” Neal felt Matt start to sob under him so he pulled him up onto the bed and rolled him over on his side to face him. He let Matt bury his face in his chest and he stroked his blond head to soothe him.

When the crying subsided, Neal got up and retrieved some cool wet towels, some witch hazel solution and some aloe lotion from the bathroom. He wiped Matt off and helped him to turn over onto his stomach again. Then he gently placed the cool towels on Matt’s sore ass. Finally he applied the witch hazel and then rubbed in the lotion. Neal kissed the small of Matt’s back and then pulled the soft cool sheets over him. Matt was already falling asleep, his pretty blond hair falling across his face.

Neal showered and drank another glass of wine. Then he turned off the lights and got into bed and went to sleep with one arm across Matt’s back.

When he woke up in the morning, Matt was gone. Neal got up and walked to his kitchen. He immediately saw that the nude of Matt’s body that he had drawn in charcoal was gone from the easel. On the table, he found the silver ring that Matt had given him next to a vintage bottle of Absinthe. Neal sighed and then he smiled sadly at the memory of a wonderful love affair.

One month later, June knocked on Neal's door. "An elegant looking envelope came for you in today's mail," June told him. She handed Neal a thick cream colored envelope embossed with the monogram MM in an elaborate script.

Neal opened the envelope and found a note on matching stationery and an open date first class airline ticket to Paris. The note said, "Dearest Neal, I'll be spending the next year at my château in France. If you get your anklet off and you want to join me, please use this ticket. I love you and I miss you. Your Lover, Matty McKay".

**Author's Note:**

> (There is a sequel to this story called Jusqu'a Paris.)
> 
>  
> 
> The White Collar characters were created by Jeff Eastin for USA TV.
> 
> All other characters are completely fictional and not based on any real persons.


End file.
